Tag Archives: Roles

August 1, 2013

“Do we have to call you ‘Daddy Kenneth’? Because if so, it might distract from the issue at hand. Some might think it’s a turn on.”

Typically when someone in the BDSM/Leather Scene introduces themselves with a moniker, they are giving you information: this is my “role” in this community, this is what I prefer to be called, and this is how people know me. That information is valuable if, for instance, you need to get hold of someone later. Asking around for “Daddy John” can be more effective than asking for “John Smith” especially if the community has started to use these monikers to distinguish between people who have the same or similar names. In a new community you might meet Master Bob, boy robert, and slave rob on the same night. Saying you want to do a scene with Robert might get you in trouble if you aren’t more specific about who you are referring to.

I have had many people in the community balk at my moniker when they first meet me. I don’t “look like a Daddy” or they “cannot call someone so much younger than [them] ‘Daddy’.” Believe it or not, I am okay with that, as long as they are respectful about it. I’ve had people say, “I’m not really comfortable calling you ‘Daddy’, is there something else I can call you?” To which I reply, “Kenneth is fine.” On the other hand, if you’re rude about it: “I’m not going to call you ‘Daddy’ you’re a ‘boy’ to me.” I am not going to be nice, or respectful back to you. Also, you can expect that kind of disrespect to get around to others in the community, as many of us talk to each other.

I will not deny that there is disrespect on the other side of the moniker, when people say things like: “You WILL call me ‘Grand Master Constantine, Rank 3’!” These people are being disrespectful as well. If they are unwilling to give you an option that doesn’t make you uncomfortable they are saying that they don’t care if you talk to them or not. More often than not, it means that they don’t make new friends, and end up hanging out with their cronies who are willing to use their super important moniker.

If calling me “Daddy Kenneth” turns you on so much that you are distracted from my advice column, well, there are other things I could do with my fingers besides typing on a keyboard … of course those are distracting in their own right.