Tag Archives: Advise

November 18, 2013

“Many of the dominant nature claim the word ‘daddy’, ‘sir’, and ‘master’, while those considered submissive claim ‘boy’, ‘pup’, or ‘sub’. When is it appropriate to call someone by their ‘community’ name as opposed to their birth name? I suppose it varies among individual too.”

Daddy Kenneth Whenever possible, I interact with someone using the name they used when they were introduced to me. I do this because it is polite to do so, and a show of respect to the person who I am interacting with. There are occasions when I am not comfortable using a “community name” to address someone. When that occurs, I typically ask that person for an alternative name to call them. It shows good manners on their part to provide me with an alternative when I request it.

When I am outside the community, I tend to drop the “community” portion of the name, and address someone by their (presumably) given name. Daddy Kenneth becomes Kenneth when I run into him at Safeway. This is out of respect for the person’s privacy. A good rule of thumb is to assume that both your grandmother, and their grandmother are present, and treat the other person the way they would expect you to.

All of that said, some people abuse “community names”, by using them as non-consensual power plays. When a person insists that everyone he knows, regardless of their relationships or community standings, address him as Sir So-and-so; he is demanding the respect that title implies, instead of requesting it. Likewise, people have a tendency to use “boy” or “slave” in a derogatory or disrespectful manner, implying a power exchange relationship that the boy or slave did not consent to.One of the greatest tenants of our community is respect. This includes respect for yourself, and all your fellow human beings. The way I see it, what you do doesn’t matter nearly as much as how you do it. As long as you are doing it with respect you should be good to go. But remember that respect is a two way street, and if the person you are interacting with is disrespectful to you, you are under no obligation to continue to respect them.