March 9, 2015

Daddy Kenneth, I have a question am a poz sub and and have a chance to date a younger Dom that makes me nervous. Well he wants to have other’s play with it but it’s really not into that and stated this but he thinks it can’t do better because its older and is poz so feeling insecure should it just let things happen and go with the flow or stand its ground.

Stand your ground and tell this younger dom that you don’t wish to be used by other people. While many subs and slaves fantasize about multiple doms using and abusing them, this is not a universal desire. You have a right to define and negotiate what you are comfortable with. No one should ever be subject to non-consensual sexual activities as the “price of admission” into a relationship. That is not a relationship, it is abuse and rape. If your partner cannot respect your desires and limits, don’t stay in that relationship.

I’m going to take this opportunity to bring back a few thoughts I’ve had over to years, and the first is that no one needs to be in a relationship. I know that society tells us that the opposite is true and that we are somehow failures if we aren’t in a relationship, and that being alone is awful and undesirable. The flip side of this coin is that there are so many miserable people in relationships who stay in those relationships for all the wrong reasons, the primary reason being “a bad relationship is better than no relationship.” I think that’s BS. I’ll take no relationship over a bad relationship any day; and because of this mentality, I am free to pick and choose the relationships that I want to be in. I only choose relationships that make me happy, and am able to end relationships when I am not happy, knowing that I have the ability to be happy on my own or in other relationships. Settling for a relationship because it’s a relationship is the worst thing that you can do for yourself, your partner, your relationship, and your happiness. Eventually resentment will build that the relationship is not good enough, and you or your partner will look elsewhere for fulfillment and the relationship will fall apart and the person who entered into it honestly will be standing there wondering what she or he did wrong. That’s not fair.

The other thing I want to post here is something that I’ve seen floating around the internet over the years and also in the Leather Journal about two years ago. It’s called “The Boy’s Bill of Rights” and it reads as follows:

boys Bill of Rights

1. Every boy has the right to have his body, intellect, and emotions protected by his Dom.
2. Every boy has the right to choose the man whom he serves and to discontinue that service and take his leave without being subjected to physical, mental, or emotional abuse.
3. Every boy has the right to be cared for, disciplined appropriately, and allowed to feel pride in his submission.
4. Every boy has the right to protected sex if he so wishes.
5. Every boy has the right to privacy if he so wishes. No boy can be blackmailed, publicly humiliated, or physically coerced into service without his expressed desire to be so.
6. Every boy has the right to defend himself from physical, sexual, and emotional abuse.
7. Every boy has the right to consent or not to consent to sexual activities.
8. Every boy has the right to seek refuge, counsel, and advice from other subs and DOMS without the expectation of sex, money, or any other service in return.
9. Every boy has the right to a physically and emotionally available circle of friends.
10. Every boy has the right to protect his own possessions and finances against intercession, theft, and non-consensual acquisition.

Remember that we are human beings first and foremost, and that our lives should be protected as such. No one, has a right to deprive you of that life or your liberty, and you should withdraw consent as soon as someone tries. I hope that you decide that your value as a person is not lessened because you are positive, or because you are older. I hope that you realize that you don’t have to take what is offered just because you think it’s the best you can get. I want you to know that you are worthy, and lovable just the way you are. Find friends who love you, and don’t diminish that love just because it’s not “a relationship.” Find people to fuck you, and don’t diminish that sex just because it’s not from “a relationship.” Some day you may find a friend who loves you and fucks you, and suddenly you’re in “a relationship” without realizing it, and you’re happy and getting what you want from that person. Don’t let that slip away because you entered into an imperfect and unsatisfying relationship, just to say you were in “a relationship.”

Do you have an question for “Ask Daddy”? Send it to me, for a chance to have it answered in a future column.

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