February 9, 2015

Hey Daddy Kenneth!

My question is regarding whether my sexual “outlook” is healthy.

To explain I must provide you some background info and say that due to circumstances in my life I’ve gained a deep desire to be the best possible partner. Some of this means being experienced and able to please my partner in bed. It’s to the extent that in bed I have very little personal preferences, I typically do whatever the other guy wants. This does not make me submissive however, I use the term “complimentary.” If the guy is a bottom I will top and vice versa. If he likes feet I’ll let him at my feet. If he’s submissive I’ll be dominant. If he wants bareback then I do it. Whatever he likes I try to accommodate (within reason) and fill in the corresponding role within general reason. I “get off” on pleasuring others. But as I say all this the thought comes to my mind whether this “outlook” I have is really all that healthy. I still get consent, I still talk about sex and what is acceptable. I feel like perhaps I shouldn’t be so focused on the other persons pleasure. I’m not sure. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Yes. You have a perfectly healthy sexuality. You please your partner, you please yourself, you partner pleases you, and you’ve negotiated all the ways to make that happen. You get off, your partners gets off, and no one is sitting there at the end thinking “what a selfish lover he was!”

My guess is that you’re feeling insecure because there is societal pressure to “be” something, and be it all the time. You should be a dominate or submissive, you should be a top or a bottom, and you should always, always be a selfish lover! You’ve discovered that it’s not the defined role that makes you happy, but you’re partner’s enjoyment of the encounter that works for you. Run with it, and keep making people (and yourself) happy.

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