Monthly Archives: January 2015

January 26, 2015

“I have a question. I’m clean but I haven’t used a condom since 2006? I also have had unprotected sex top/bottom with poz/undetectable guys but none have cum inside of me. And I’ve been tested since sex with them and am still clean. Parts of me are it’s like I’m testing fate. I’m not trying to get HIV but I’m aware of the consequences if I do get it. The types of sex situations I love and the scenes I get into I know leave me more open to get HIV. I guess this isn’t really a question more so than me needing express my mind. I can’t really talk about this thought process to anybody really. There’s a question in all of this but not sure what to ask. When I met a couple and they had invited me back to their place and they were candid about your status. I struggled with my decision. A big part of me wanted to throw caution to the wind and go for it but I didn’t. I guess I’m trying to understand my own thoughts on this. Any advice or just an ear to listen is appreciated. Hope I’m not offending anyone or being stupid in wanting to talk about my thoughts.”

I’m glad you’re clean, I am too. I took a shower this morning, used soap and everything. It’s polite to be clean whenever you have to interact with the public, especially working environments. Now, on the weekends I tend to be very dirty. I let the stink build up under my arms, and sometimes (depending on the time, day, and who I think might be sucking my cock later) I let the stink build up under my foreskin too.

But that’s not what you meant, is it? Most people who use the term clean to describe their HIV status are not aware what they are subconsciously telling those of us who have HIV. Many years ago when diseases were less understood but the fact that they were contagious was understood, those who were infected with a disease would yell out “Unclean” whenever there was another person within hearing range. This would signal to the healthy person to steer clear of the person with the disease and the area they were in, so that they could stay heathy. There was a great deal of social stigma around being labeled “unclean” therefore many people hid their symptoms as long as they could to avoid the label. Unfortunately, people were contagious before they were symptomatic, meaning that they were pretending to be “clean” and spreading the disease to other “clean” people. Once they were discovered to be “unclean” they were cast out of society and left to live in colonies with people similarly afflicted. When you evoke this language in connection with HIV, you are subconsciously telling people who are infected with HIV that you support segregation from the general populous for people infected. At least, I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt and believing that you are doing it subconsciously, because there are people who use this language AND agree with the ancient way of dealing with the “unclean.” These people WANT us to go live on an island with everyone else who “deserved to catch it” and leave respectable folks alone, clean and happy. These people are not afraid to share their opinions loudly and publicly. If I had a dollar for every person who told me I was a disgraceful, disease spreader who deserved to die; well, I’d still be writing this column for free, but I would be doing it with much nicer surroundings. You are allying yourself with those people when you use the word “clean” to describe your HIV status.

There are people who tell me “it’s just a word,” I should “grow a thicker skin,” and “not be so sensitive;” or they “don’t mean it like that,” and I should “know what [they] mean.” The problem with those people is that they are giving the bullies permission to continue to bully us, and blaming us for not being able to take it. It’s like the parent who says “if your kid wasn’t a wuss, my kid wouldn’t pick on him,” which isn’t okay in any school of thought, but as soon as the abused person has a disease; it’s open season apparently.

As for the rest of your question: This couple that you turned down was honest enough to tell you that they were positive, but you didn’t think that their honesty extended to sharing whether they were undetectable or not (you didn’t say if they said one way or the other.) You are willing to have sex with people who are positive and undetectable, but you didn’t feel comfortable asking this couple if they fit that description. You’re already not using condoms, and are only afraid of HIV. It sounds to me like you should be taking PrEP and taking control of your own health. That way it won’t matter if the person you are having sex with is positive, negative, undetectable, or thinks that they are negative while actually being newly infected and so full of virus that even their pre-cum is infectious. Yes, you’ve dodged the bullet so far but you can’t keep it up and expect that you’ll stay uninfected, unless you start using some sort of protection. PrEP is classified by the CDC as HIV prevention, so you’ll only be exposing yourself to everything else if you continue with your current condom use; but at least you won’t get HIV.

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January 19, 2015

“I have for years had a deep interest/obsession? with watersports [and man smells, spanking, etc.]. However my experience is limited because it seems to be so hard to find like-minded men. The usual ‘cruising’ web-sites etc. don’t seem to work that well for such specialized desires, nor does the yellow hankie or armband things (I wonder how many gay/bi guys even know about these codes anymore.). Is interest in this kink really so rare? Maybe it is too taboo for most to approach another about. Any suggestions for how & where to meet other pigs (MASCULINE piss tops to be specific)???

“Many of my favorite fantasies involve (forced) drinking, though due to lack of options sometimes my actual experiences have been as giver rather than receiver even though I usually prefer to be submissive sexually. Can you drink too much pee? Also, if ever turned on/mind fucked enough would like to try a big piss enema via a dick up my ass (even having never had any kind of enema before). Of course I am concerned about how it would feel & the safety of it all? The long hoped for ws scenarios & crossover to other kink play are endless…”

If you are not able to find what you’re looking for, with kinks that are so common, I would say that you are not looking hard enough. If you google piss play or water sports, there are several clubs in larger cities that hold get togethers on a regular basis, an others that hold huge events once or twice a year. For the past several years I’ve had the pleasure of attending the Chicago water buddies piss party over IML Weekend in Chicago, a tradition I will have to forgo this year do to other obligations that weekend, but hopefully I can make up for it by going to Wet and Hot, the biggest piss party on the planet, in July.

Every time I wear my yellow hanky out to the bar, I am confronted with at least one person who wants to drink my piss, either straight from the tap or added to his beer bottle. You’re probably doing yourself a disservice limiting yourself to only “MASCULINE piss tops” because when I hear that phrase, a certain body type and personality jumps to mind. Keep in mind that there are many other kinky piss pigs that are willing to get you what you want, some of whom may not meet your strict standards, but are plenty piggy and willing to accommodate your piss dreams.

If you want to get to know other pigs in your area, go on the normal cruising sites and post a gathering that is specifically for piss pigs. Be prepared to supply your guests with plenty of beer, water, and gatorade to help get the party flowing. I would recommend a large and private back yard that can handle all the piss that’s going to flow. Control the guest list by advertising whether or not drugs will be allowed at your event, or whether or not condoms and other safer sex implements will be provided or expected.

The biggest thing that I can recommend to you is that you be proactive in finding those people who share your kink. Wearing a hanky or putting one line in an online profile are all well and good, but they are very passive signals. I recommend approaching people and talking to them, especially if you have reason to believe they share your kink. One of the best pickup lines a person can use on me at a bar: “I like the yellow you’re wearing. Let me know when you need to piss again.”

Do you have an question for “Ask Daddy”? Send it to me, for a chance to have it answered in a future column.

Do you like what you see on Ask Daddy Kenneth? Ask Daddy is a public blog, so you can share your favorite columns on your social media to introduce your friends to the column!