March 7, 2014

“As a newly self-discovered boy, I am very eager to serve. I would love to find a Sir and hope to one day earn his collar. But how to find one? Is it rude to approach a Sir and ask to be his boy? Are there any resources available to help with pairing boys and Sirs? Or is it basically just like dating, with many ‘misses’ before you find the right one?”

Meeting people in the BSDM/Leather world is, in fact, a lot like meeting people in the dating world; except there are a lot fewer fish in the sea. There are websites like Recon or Fetlife where people can connect online with potential suitors, however those have the success rate of many online connection sites. In the mean time, you can satisfy your need to serve by working with you local leather groups, contests, and charities to serve the larger community. You can also serve your future sir by preparing yourself for his arrival. Learn the things that you like to do, and the things you don’t. Know what your limits are, and how to express yourself to a sir who may be interested.

The best way to approach a sir you wish to serve is to approach from a place of service. Ask what you can do for him, and don’t ask him to do something for you. After some time, if this is the sir that you wish to serve long term, you can let him know that you’re available for a relationship and interested in him in that way. One boy in my life once said to me that he was interested in being a collared boy, but couldn’t imagine himself being collared to anyone but me. He didn’t ask me directly for a collar, but he did let me know that the possibility was there for him. I took that information and did with it what I wanted to do. Remember, if you are rejected by a sir for a collar, it might not have anything to do with you in particular. Sometimes a dominant person may not be interested in starting a new relationship at a particular moment.

Let your friends in the BDSM community know that you are interested in serving a sir. They may know someone whom they can introduce you to. Look for play partners who are into the same things that you are interested in. Sometimes those casual play relationships develop into something deeper over time. Remember that not everyone has sex within their D/s relationships. At the same time remember that some people do, so know what you’re expecting and make sure you know what your potential partner is expecting as well. And yes, just like in the dating world, you may encounter some “misses” before you get a hit.

Do you have an question for “Ask Daddy”? Send it to me, for a chance to have it answered in a future column.

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