December 16, 2013

“Dear Daddy, I consider myself a kinkster. I have fetishes, and I’ve recently begun exploring them in depth. What I am learning about myself, is that my scene identity and my sexual identity appear to be on polar opposite ends of the spectrum. What I mean is that I consider myself to be a submissive. I enjoy being bound, flogged, etc. but sexually I am a top. Is there a place for me in the kink community?”

Yes there is. Don’t let anyone tell you that a sexual top must be a kinky dominant or vice versa. I know plenty of dominants who love to get fucked. Some submissives will fuck their dominant just because he told them to, others will do it because they secretly (or not so secretly) enjoy it. Your kink is how you define it, and anyone who tells you that you’re doing it wrong is violating one of the foundations of our community, respect.

What you may find, however, is that you have to separate your kinky submissive side, from your sexual top side and won’t get to enjoy them together as often as you would like. What you might be surprised to learn, however, is that this is more common than you might think. I flog, tie up, and electrocute guys that I never get to fuck, and I fuck guys that I never get to tie up. I’m okay with this, because I get to fuck enough guys to keep me happy, and I get to tie up enough guys to keep me happy. As much as it would be easier if those guys were always the same guys, it’s also nice to have a variety in one’s life. So tell your vanilla (non-kinky) boyfriend that you’re going to go get tied up for a couple hours, but when you get home you’re going to be so horny that you’re going to fuck him for three hours straight and he won’t be able to sit down tomorrow. If he objects to that, find another boyfriend.

Do you have a question for “Ask Daddy?” Send me a message and I will give it a shot.

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