November 13, 2013

“What are some signs that my partner cheating is on me?”

You asking this question is a sign that your partner is cheating on you. I am going to go out on a limb here, and assume that you have never had a conversation with your partner about cheating, and what it means to you. Most people in relationships don’t have this conversation, because they know what cheating is to them, and they assume that the other person knows as well, and they assume that those definitions are both the same. Let me re-define cheating by reverting to an old definition of the word. Cheating is breaking the rules.

Now, what are the rules of your relationship? Have you talked about rules, and defined them for both of you? Are everyone’s needs in the relationship being met by the rules? Are you making rules because they are society’s accepted rules of behavior when in a relationship? Figure these things out, then you will be able to put a finger on behavior that is, in fact, cheating.

But I suspect that is not what you are looking for. You are looking for a list of behaviors that you can then attribute to your partner and pull an “Ah ha, gotcha!” and show him that some anonymous online columnist agrees with you. If that’s what you are looking for, you’ve got issues in your relationship that are not related to cheating, and I wonder what you hope to accomplish with this game. Are you trying to end the relationship? Then end it, neat and clean. Are you making a power play so that you will have a type of control in your relationship? Why do you need to have that kind of emotional blackmail against your partner? I wonder what the underlying issues in your relationship are that made you write in.

You need to decide why you’re in this relationship, what you’re getting out of it, and what you are contributing. If you are not contributing anything to your partner’s happiness, and they are making you unhappy, perhaps it’s time to end the relationship and move on. People are so scared to be single that they will stay in an unhealthy relationship rather than work on themselves and be happy by themselves. Don’t be that person, and don’t keep yourself or your partner in that kind of relationship any longer.

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